New Year, New Plan

One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to be less glued to my phone. To do this, I decided to remove most of my social media and game apps. I kept to games, because Abby likes to play them, and I find one of them very relaxing. I kept three social media apps, Facebook, Messanger, and Pinterest.

Facebook: I kept Facebook for two reasons. Reason the First, because I like scrolling through Facebook on my phone. I upload pictures and post fairly frequently. I like the convenience of it. Reason the Second, is mostly because of the non-profit. I run most of the stuff from my phone. The mobile app page is a little easier to work than my computer.

Messanger: Mostly Messanger is just because several of my friends only message me through. Also, if Luvey and I are on the phone, we send pictures and video back and forth to each other. Neither of our phones will let us send anything through our text messaging apps, so we use Messanger.

Pinterest: I just really love Pinterest. It’s my favorite search engine. Luvey and I talk pretty much every day on my lunch breaks. Occasionally, neither of us feel much like talking, so we sit in silence spamming each other with pins. It’s one of my favorite ways to veg.

All of the other apps I chose to remove were easy, except for the WordPress. I really struggled with WordPress. I love the app. I love being able to read blog posts, comment, interact with everyone. I finally made the decision to remove the app from my phone. I’ve decided that, for this blog, Mondays and Thursdays are my dedicated posting days. Once I’ve posted, I can read and peruse for a bit. For the new blog, I’m going to be posting on January 1st and the last day of every month.

My other WordPress day will be Saturday or Sunday depending on how busy I am. I’ve also given myself rules for Facebook. My hopes, my goals, are to be a little less dependent on technology, to have a little bit more time that’s not so crazy.

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Parent’s Night

I’m sitting here, the day after Christmas, watching Abby drink hot chocolate out of a Minnie Mouse mug. I’m happy. I’m content. Abby, BoBo, and GG are watching The Polar Express. I’m hiding behind my computer watching Terra Nova. Abby keeps jumping up and screaming, “DANCE PARTY!!!” Then she starts twirling and dancing around. She makes my heart happy.

I was finally able to see her ballet class. They had a parent’s night about a week and a half ago. We were invited to come in and watch. They did their stretching to a special stretching song. Then they did a special Christmas song for us.

Every few minutes, Abby would come running over to me. She needed, “Huggy, Mama! Huggy!” I’d hug her and nudge her back to the floor. She’d run back out there and dance for a few more minutes. She loved having us all there. Her Grandma Terri and Uncle Dylan were there, along with me and Pappy.

She keeps asking when were coming to see her dance again. That will be in May. I sit outside in the lobby every Thursday for 30 minutes. The studio doesn’t have one way glass, so we don’t get to see anything. After May’s Parent’s Night, Abby will have a big recital in June. She asks me about it all the time. I’m fairly certain the entire family will be there for that.

Frustrations

There are many, many things I want to talk about. Last week was full of so many emotions, so many things I want to express. And here I sit. I find myself in this position a lot. I have words clanging around in my heart, but my brain says no. I’m finding expressing myself more and more difficult lately.

In the past, no one read any of the blogs I created. Expression was easy. If there’s no one to see it, then I won’t be vulnerable, even if I open myself up. But now I have a few of you who see what I write. I don’t have a large number, but I appreciate you all.

It’s difficult for me to be open. It’s difficult for me to be vulnerable (which is one of the reasons I don’t have an about page). Everything that happened last week, the good, the bad, and the sad, would leave me vulnerable. One of my goals in starting this blog was to write everything. Write the truth as I see it. Write my life. Write through the anxiety and depression. My blog, I think, shows the depression rather well. Also my busy schedule.

Over the next few weeks I will make five posts about last week’s events:

  • Abby asked why Uncle William didn’t like her.
  • Parent Day at Dance
  • Wreath Day
  • Bertha’s Newest Threat
  • Social Media Silence

It was emotional for me. I know writing about it will help me work through some of it.

Restless Creativity

Abby is taking a nap. Copper is laying on my left foot. His weight, his warmth, is reassuring. Last night I became restless. The last time I felt like that, I learned how to crochet. The time before that, I learned to shuttle tat. The time before that, I started a blog.Last night when that itchy feeling happened, I worked on the YouTube channel I started, but haven’t done anything with.

Last night when that itchy feeling happened, I worked on the YouTube channel I started, but haven’t done anything with. I uploaded a photo. I renewed my resolve to work on it. I made a plan. I wrote it down in the To Do List, which will be transferred to the planners when I finish redoing those. It didn’t help.

This morning I created another blog. I’m currently working on getting it set up. It’s going to be a once a month post, that will go along with the YouTube channel, but it will precede the YouTube channel. This settled the restless feeling. I called my Luvey and told her what I’d done. She finds it both irritating and amusing.

Anyway, I’m getting everything set up for January 1, which will be my first post on the new blog. The next post will be on January 31st, and then every post after that will be on the last day of the month. I have a plan. I wonder how well I’ll stick to it.

An Excess Of Planners

So… I bought a new planner some months ago because I lost my old one. They look identical to each other. I literally bought the same planner twice. The new planner I’m not using in quite the same way as my old planner. I was trying out new things. Yesterday, Old Planner was found, which is just my luck.

This leaves me with quite the conundrum. I know have two planners. Well, actually I now have a total of three planners and three calendars Two of those calendars are online and one is shared. So now that I have two identical planners, what do I do with them?

The obvious answer is I give one away, because who needs two planners? Well… I do. I just can’t get rid of Old Planner. I’m in love with Old Planner, but I equally love New Planner. I also sound like a crazy person.

Currently, I’m thinking Old Planner will be repurposed for the creative stuff. Project planning, writing and blogging schedules, and other creative stuff. The other will be for appointments, the non-profit, and money management, because if it isn’t written down, I’ll completely forget when the bills are due.

This will probably change ten more times before the end of the year…

Non-Family Family

There are very few people that I can truly say I hate. As a matter of fact, I think the number is two. I’m fairly certain I only hate two people. Those people would be my mom’s youngest sister and her husband(???)*. That would technically make her my aunt, but it really doesn’t.

You see, she is a terrible excuse for a person. She is a waste of space. I don’t say that lightly. I truly believe that everyone has a purpose, even if I don’t agree with it. It’s not a religious thing. I just value life.

The things this person has done, though… She had two children. Both were taken away from her. One when he was less than a year old; my parents adopted him some time later. I’ve only ever known him as my brother, but my parents have always been open about why he was adopted. They hid the worst of it from us.

The second child lived with her for 10 years. I have no idea the horrors she experienced. She’s never spoken of it to me. We don’t get along and haven’t since middle school. One of my mom’s other sisters took her in, but never legally adopted her, even though she wanted to.

I’ve seen how my mom’s youngest sister treats her family, her siblings, her mother. She’s a user, and when she doesn’t get her way, she throws tantrums. Her latest tantrum? Threatening my mom by saying she’ll have a welfare check done on my grandmother. Why? Because Mom and Nana weren’t home when she stopped by unannounced.

In my world, family doesn’t treat family like that. Just because you’re related by blood doesn’t mean you’re a family. What makes you a family is how you feel, and what you’d be willing to do, for your family members. I have family that I’m in no way related to, and I would give the moon for them.

I’ve seen her once in 3 years. I saw the back of her head as she was leaving. Not long after Abby was born, she showed up unannounced. She claims that she wanted to come see Nana, her mom, but while she was here, all she could talk about was how much she needed money, and how she was owed Nana’s money. Never mind the fact that Nana doesn’t exactly have money.

When she showed up, I took my tiny baby and hid in the bedroom. She never knew I was there, and, thankfully, Abby cooperated and stayed quiet. She’s never met Abby, and she will never meet Abby if I have anything to say about it. It’s not just about how she acts or treated us, but she’s one ill individual. She has several very nasty infections that immune compromised me, and young Abby, shouldn’t be exposed to, not to mention all the other immune challenged individuals in our house.

The mention of a person should not set off anxiety the way it does, but this is what she does to me. Anytime she’s acting up, it’s an immediate hit to the anxiety.

 

*I don’t actually know if they’re still married. They keep saying they’re going to get divorced, but I don’t know if they actually did. All I know is they are still together.