Clocks Make Me Anxious

Well, I had that appointment, you know, the one where all women are forced to endure violations just to make sure the baby makin’ parts are healthy. Yep, today I went to the gynecologist. They did all that fun question and answer stuff. Checked my vitals, and my blood pressure was very, very high. What can I say? I was having anxiety issues. The clock in the waiting room was really, really loud. I could literally hear every second tick by while I waited.

I was already amped up, on edge, controlled by the anxiety. The waiting, the ticking, was not good at all. I talked to my doctor, a lovely woman, and she asked what had been going on in my life, how frequent were the anxiety and panic attacks. She also wanted to know exactly why I was opposed to the meds. The stuff I had in the past just made me feel dull.

We discussed meds for awhile, and she prescribed me one that was just for anxiety and not for depression. And, it’s a low dose, too. I guess I’ll see how it works. I’m pretty much just testing it until I go back for my birth control switch out. They have to order my implant, which should hopefully be in by the end of the week, so I can take a half day off work Monday. Anyway, I’ll be taking a half dose every day for a week or so before increasing.

Now for a fun bit of irony: I’m having super high anxiety about taking an anti-anxiety medicine. Because my life can’t be simple. I’m doing the hand rubbing thing, foot/leg shaking, and over thinking thing. My stomach is a ball of knots, also cramps from the above-mentioned doctor’s appointment. Even the knots have knots.


2 thoughts on “Clocks Make Me Anxious

  1. I’m scared of anxiety medication. I guess I’m lucky and my doctor said “Call when you are going on a flight and will give you something for that. Other than that I will recommend you for a psychologist and cognitive therapy. Have a good day!” – and the only reason I consider myself lucky is due to the anxiety the mentioning of medication would give me! But for a few weeks now I have been pretty good, had an incident on Sunday that made me highly uncomfortable.

    I guess I try to focus on the good things at the moment and it kind of helps, until I have to be social that is 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m terrified of the meds. It took me a good little bit to take the first pill. The next two days after that, I forgot to bring them with me and didn’t get home until well after midnight, so I didn’t take them. Last night was a high anxiety situation: I got lost on the way to a place I’ve never been to see people I didn’t know. Well, I knew one of them, so I waited until the people I knew showed up. I sat out in my car for forty-five minutes trying to explain to the 3-year-old why we were getting out of the car. As soon as I left though, the anxiety eased. No anxiety attack, no panic attack. I took the pill when I got home. I’m going to give it a chance. I trust this doctor, and I know a couple of people who take this one, and they love it!

      When I’m having the anxiety attacks, focused breathing can help, but I usually have trouble thinking about other things. The therapist helped me a little, but the anxiety was too high for me to keep going. I know I should start going when the anxiety isn’t high, but I don’t know if I can.

      I loathe being social. There are a handful of people I can be around; they’re still exhausting, but they understand my flavor of crazy. They know when to back off, and they don’t force me. Some of my other people, don’t quite get it.


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