I am a busy person. On top of work and the baby, I do an amazing amount of crafty things, read, and write. Also, because I may be insane, I run a non-profit. My family, of course, helps a lot. This year has been a little more chaotic than usual, and I’ve been doing a lot of the work on my own.
In broad strokes, my family partners with a local martial arts school to delivery food and toys at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Actually, that’s not very broad. It’s exactly what we do. The building up to this point was several years in the making and a lot of drama. I’ve moved forward, and I hold no ill will any longer.
Last year, when we officially started everything, all the money came out the pockets of my parents, my younger brother, and myself. The students at the Dojo donated most of the food we needed. It was still several hundred dollars invested, though. This year, we started fundraising earlier, and I had help on everything I didn’t need help with. When it came to actually implementing the plans, everyone crapped out on me. It has been very frustrating.
It finally got to a point where my phone would chime with a notification and I yell, “What could you people possibly want me to do now?!?” Inevitably, it would be someone who needed me to do something for them, or to do the job they had assured me they could do. Which has resulted in me not being able to do what I need to do. It’s thoroughly exhausting. I have quit reading, writing, and crafting because of all the extra work. These are all things that keep me sane.
I just deleted three paragraphs of text. I didn’t want to call people out, in case they stumble across this blog. I’m not upset with them, per se. I’m just upset. I know as soon as I have that list of names in my hand, everything will be okay, and the world will be right again. But, I’ve never questioned something so hard before.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost said, “I quit.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to scream, “I’m done!” This year has been rough for me. When I looked up and said, “I’m doing this with or without you.” to my parents, I never expected it to be this difficult. When they both said, “I’m in. Let’s do this.” I knew it would be okay. I knew that I was in the right.
Literally all I want to do is get and organize a list. It should not be this difficult to feed people. But it is. Usually, I enjoy the crazy planning. I live for my list every year. This year, I have had to fight all over again for what is already mine, and I don’t know why.
I’m also now rambling, and I have no way of wrapping this up gracefully. So, I’m going to go stare at a super-moon eclipse now.